It’s overwhelming to think this is almost over. I don’t know what to think or what to feel. With less than 2 months left, I find myself clawing at things; trying to get a grip. New Mexico is beautiful. Cutting trail is strangely satisfying. I wish I could enjoy this fully but I just can’t get my head in the game. Sometimes I don’t like thinking so much but I suppose it’s better than not being aware of anything. I’m re-evaluating every part of my life on a daily basis though. Maybe I’m paranoid that the things I’m doing aren’t really what I want. So much stimulus, so little sanity to deal with it. Lol. There’s only one thing in my life right now that’s constant and I’m honestly shocked at how consistent it is. Normally, I would have fucked it all up already. Of course, I can’t even enjoy that fully because I’m worried it just hasn’t come up yet. Who even knows if I’m ready for something different. I like to pretend I’m so much more mature than I am but I can’t lie to myself forever. By the way, I’m not feeling as pessimistic as it sounds. Haha. I’m just working things out in the weird way that I do. I’m really excited for all the changes that are soon to come in my life. A lot of things that haven’t changed in years are going to change all together as soon as this program ends. Just the thought of that makes me think of the upcoming panic attack I’ve been feeling for some time now. Just kidding. Lol. I guess I don’t have much to update you all on. I will be out of cell phone reception for the next week and a half because I will be working at a tribal fish hatchery. They don’t have good service on the reservation. I have been able to catch up on my reading though which is good. I re-read one of my favorite books from years ago. The nostalgia almost choked me to death. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Haha. It was fun to regress for a few days though. So I’m off to smell like fish for the next week or so and then I will be camping along the trail for the remainder of the project. I will definetly be working on my tan and my muscles. Woo hoo! So, I guess I will leave you with some pictures. I haven’t taken many and probably won’t just because when I’m not working I’m too tired to remember or care about things like that. Luckily, my friends take more pictures than me. I can’t wait to see you all very soon.
