Back in Black

Life is back to normal. Or is it? There was a time when I thought I would never survive a year of service. I did. The last day was all tissues and soap operas but I managed to get out of there in one piece. The drive away from my newfound home was, I think, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. A whirlwind of events happened after that. I arrived home in sunny southern California to be greeted by gloomy clouds and sunshine frowns. I escaped from that in less than a week and was off to Thailand! The excitement was drained from me bit by bit, hour by hour, on the longest plane ride of my life! I had much time to think and discovered I don’t care much for plane riding. When I finally arrived in the tropical land of Phuket, pad Thai noodles were falling from the sky and my ride showed up with a handsome man in it. Lucky me! One week of frolicking, swimming, harassment of monkeys, adopting diseases kittens, creeping on weddings, amazing seafood, massages, and romantics. Oh yea, and one week of sneezing, sleeping, coughing, burning up, sleeping more, trying to drink, feeling sick, sleeping more, and eventually giving in and getting antibiotics from the drug store. So maybe it wasn’t the best trip…but the times I was conscious it was fantastic. The little kid in me loved the adventures and the lady in me (yes, i really do have one) loved the dreamy, romantic moments. I found another place to feel at home and have to leave. Tragedy has stricken. Once I was back in California though I much appreciated getting to be home for realzees. I got to see my friends and spend time with Mom, Tom, and Bonnie. That was great. I found another place to love and leave. It was bittersweet the whole time I was there.  went from packing to partying and back again so many times. It was hard to meet new people and personalities I wanted to explore but couldn’t because I didn’t have the time. I still wonder which friendships will last through my next adventures. The things I have planned after this point may keep me away from my loved ones for a very long time. Hopefully it will be worth it but i highly suspect it will be. So, I moved from the glamorous Orange County to the beautiful and pure Lane County in the very green state of Oregon. Some might say an odd choice for a city girl like myself. I got many encouraging comments before leaving. “Erica….you know it like…rains up there, right?” “Erica, there are no malls there and like….you’re going to have to drive to get to the city.” Yes, friends, I am aware. I am acutely aware that little to no one has faith in my ability to adapt. Despite the fact that I did it professionally for a year. Lol. Anywho, if you haven’t seen me around, now you know why! I have up and moved to Oregon. Oregon…..where the fields are green, the meth dealers are in full bloom all year-long, and Alpaca poop gets stuck to the bottom of your stilettos. Lol J/k If you were wondering what it is that I’m doing here, fear no longer. It’s quite tame actually. I plan to start school this winter and I am now hunting for a rare and wild beast Oregonians call “jawbs”. I haven’t come across one yet but when I do I’ll let you know. Nasty little creatures. You might be thinking I have a lot of free time considering I am not employed and not in school. You would be wrong, my friend. I have been diligently turning my studio into a haven and have grown accustomed to farm life (taking it one day at a time, obviously). I have made 2 friends so far but have yet to go out to social events. I did, actually, see Willie Nelson live with my Dad a week or so back. That was cool. My and Willie Nelson both got the same haircut. Guess he understands you gotta get rid of all those years of growing to make room for the new stuff. Why is cutting your hair so liberating? I’ll never in my life tire of that rush. Now that I’ve got you all up to speed, I want to take this blog in a different direction. It was meant to keep people updated on my whereabouts and volunteer work in Americorps. Now that it’s over I think it’s time to make this something a little more fitting for my life and situation now. My next post will be in format with my new theme. As for now, it’s time to get back to fresh air. For all my friends and family around the world…I love you, I miss you, and if ever you want to visit me here just let me know!

Happy Fourth!

I hope everyone is having a good holiday weekend. I can’t help but think about our traditional BBQ’s at home. I miss the margaritas, the fireworks, and the family and friends. I have less than 2 weeks left and it’s a definite slap in the face. I’m not sure when it will sink in that this is over but I’m going to take a wild guess and say 2024. Amity’s wedding is right around the corner and I wish I could say I’m completely happy for her. There’s a small part of me that is sad though. This will seal our seperation forever. We haven’t been close sisters since we were young but now that we’re all getting married off….I guess I just feel like there’s no way we will be close like that again. We all have to go our own seperate ways though. I wish her the best of happiness and I can’t wait to be on the support team for the next one…..ahem ahem. You know who you are, you sick little lovebirds you. Lol. Kidding! On another note, I’m starting to get more and more excited about moving to Oregon. I’ve been skeptical but it was just fear-based and I think it will be a really cool change. I’m starting to think about all the things I want to do there. So many ideas, so little time!! Tonight I get to go to the reservation because we were invited to a feast. Should be a fun time. I have no idea what to expect but I’m praying for free food and booze. I don’t have many pictures from this round. I took a couple in the caves and a couple of the trail but nothing spectacular. I will post them at a better time. I’ve taken over part of a sports bar to get some internet since we are camping and don’t get it regularly. Haha. I’ll leave it at that for now. I just wanted to wish everyone a fun filled 4th of July. i miss you all but I’ll see you very, very soon! Woo hoo!!!

To Malibu….and beyond!

It’s been a gruelling last couple months. Time goes by so slow because I know how close I really am. Looking back, I can honestly say I’m distraught that this experience is nearly over. It’s been trying and so I’m relieved to be going home but I know I will always miss this. I’m so scared to go back to the real world. What if I didn’t change? what if I will always be that lazy, self brutalizing little girl I was before this year? What if I regret the changes I’ve made and want to go back to my old life? So many things to stress about, so little time! Haha. For now, I’m just excited to be close to the finish line. Before this program, I made a pact with myself that if I failed this and quit like I do everything else….I’m worth nothing and am a lost cause. Sounds harsh but apparently it worked. Lol. The sense of accomplishment I will get on graduation day will, undoubtedly, be the most intense I’ve ever felt in my life. I just hope that will continue. Obviously, at some point, I will need to gain some confidence in myself. Lol. It’s hard not to expect myself to be the same that I’ve always been. I’m working on it though! Anyways, in less than a month I will be going to my beautiful sister’s wedding. I am so excited. I have dreamt about this day for all of us girls my whole life. More them than me but still. the pictures will obviously be posted later on. I just wish I had a certain date…..to go with me….but nooooo! I’ll rock that party single like the good ol’ days. Hehe. I really am filled with joy to see my family and friends again. I will be in Cali for most of  August and can’t wait to catch up with everyone before I move. I still can’t believe I’m leaving. On to a bigger and better adventure, I suppose. No looking back.

10 Realizations: Part 2

1. I’m not as much of a city girl as I think.
2. Trusting people is easier than it may, at first, seem.
3. Self discipline only works if you have personal motive.
4. If you are going to buy a DVD, make it Avatar or Invictus.
5. I have finally mastered the art of saving money.
6. I still don’t trust myself to get a credit card.
7. Hard physical labor is really satisfying.
8. Cheap romance novels are my new guilty pleasure.
9. Books, in general, are the new TV.
10. Trailbuilding in 100 degree weather with a hangover is the dumbest thing a person can do.

The Final Countdown

It’s overwhelming to think this is almost over. I don’t know what to think or what to feel. With less than 2 months left, I find myself clawing at things; trying to get a grip. New Mexico is beautiful. Cutting trail is strangely satisfying. I wish I could enjoy this fully but I just can’t get my head in the game. Sometimes I don’t like thinking so much but I suppose it’s better than not being aware of anything. I’m re-evaluating every part of my life on a daily basis though. Maybe I’m paranoid that the things I’m doing aren’t really what I want. So much stimulus, so little sanity to deal with it. Lol. There’s only one thing in my life right now that’s constant and I’m honestly shocked at how consistent it is. Normally, I would have fucked it all up already. Of course, I can’t even enjoy that fully because I’m worried it just hasn’t come up yet. Who even knows if I’m ready for something different. I like to pretend I’m so much more mature than I am but I can’t lie to myself forever. By the way, I’m not feeling as pessimistic as it sounds. Haha. I’m just working things out in the weird way that I do. I’m really excited for all the changes that are soon to come in my life. A lot of things that haven’t changed in years are going to change all together as soon as this program ends. Just the thought of that makes me think of the upcoming panic attack I’ve been feeling for some time now. Just kidding. Lol. I guess I don’t have much to update you all on. I will be out of cell phone reception for the next week and a half because I will be working at a tribal fish hatchery. They don’t have good service on the reservation. I have been able to catch up on my reading though which is good. I re-read one of my favorite books from years ago. The nostalgia almost choked me to death. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Haha. It was fun to regress for a few days though. So I’m off to smell like fish for the next week or so and then I will be camping along the trail for the remainder of the project. I will definetly be working on my tan and my muscles. Woo hoo! So, I guess I will leave you with some pictures. I haven’t taken many and probably won’t just because when I’m not working I’m too tired to remember or care about things like that. Luckily, my friends take more pictures than me. I can’t wait to see you all very soon.

And the adventure continues…

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m honestly shocked that I have made it this far. It’s gone by so fast yet so slow. It’s hard not to reflect on this whole experience like it’s over even though I have a whole round left. It will be the longest round of the year too; 9 weeks, I believe. I think it will be a great opportunity to do a lot of the things I have been neglecting lately. I need to re-evaluate myself. I need to re-adjust my goals. I need to catch up on my reading and not get lost in technology to avoid being aware of reality. I need to focus on being healthy and and not be distracted by city life. I’m sure I will get bored to tears and miss everything about living in a big city but I think it will be good for me. That was the point of this whole year. I wanted to throw myself into something challenging to possibly be miserable but grow a whole lot. Lol. I can’t believe it’s almost over. I don’t know how I feel about going back to “real life”. I have extremely mixed feelings. On one hand, I can’t wait to leave! I want to be in charge of my own life. I want to be able to choose what I’m going to eat for dinner instead of have to eat something because everyone else is having it. I want to be able to go anywhere at any time whenever I feel like it….and drive myself there in my own car while listening to the songs I want to listen to on the radio. I won’t lie. I miss being able to sing really loud and blast the radio while driving. It’s so great pretending like no one can see you even though everyone around you is looking through your windows going “This chick thinks she’s f***ing Celine Dion”. Haha. I found out I will be doing quite a bit of camping towards the end of my project. The last 6 weeks of my stay in New Mexico will consist of minimal showering, sleeping in a tent, and having no connection with the outside world. I might love it. I might hate it. I’m guessing it’s going to be a little bit of both. But, like I said, at least I will have an opportunity to clear my head and focus on different things that you just can’t address when you are constantly distracted. I hope to love this project and I am sure I will. I really don’t think anything will ever compare to my last one though. I’d elaborate but I might cry so I won’t. Haha. Anyways, that is all for now. I probably won’t update this until I get back from New Mexico. Wish me luck and don’t miss me too much! I know I still think about all of you often and miss you lots so don’t think I have forgotten all my favorite people back home and everywhere I’ve been and connected with people! XOXO

The Daring Butterfly Escape….and more!!!

Immunity, where are you???

It’s been a looooooong week. 2 weeks ago I had food poisoning over the weekend and missed a day of work. This week i caught some sort of bug that everyone has been getting. The kids have been sick and so has the team. I was sure I dodged it this time but I was wrong! I believe, this is the 4th or 5th time I have been sick since I started Americorps 7 months ago. Freaking ridiculous! Of course, my team leader is wildly suspicious of me at all times which just makes me consistently nervous and stressed that I am going to get written up because she thinks I’m faking it or something. Like I said, it has been a long week. Lol. I’ve been really busy when I’m not sick. The kids are still amazing. I’ve been taking home extra work every night to try to catch up on hours. I also started writing a rough version of my book. Yeah, kind of random. I got an inspiration though and just ran with it. I’ve got a bunch knocked out just because I haven’t stopped writing for a second. I think I’m afraid if I do, I will do what I did last time and just not write anything for a few years before trying again. Lol. Anyways, I’m not really telling anyone what it’s about because I’m self-conscious about it being stupid or something. When I’m not doing that, I’m typing up things for my teacher or making giant posters with construction paper ants on them. Sounds cute and fun (and it is) but I tend to be up late at night still working on them so I’ve just been exhausted. I have 12 days left to get to my 1 month mark of no smoking or drinking. I’m going to keep going with it by the way. That’s not a month marker so I can say “Woo hoo! I did it for a month! That’s enough!”

New Mexico is coming up fast. I have less than a month left here with the kids. I’m going to miss them so much! It’s hard not to get personally attached to this particular cause….cuz they are adorable little people! Lol. I found out a little bit more about my next project though and I’ll admit, I was a little worried I would be miserable for the whole thing but I feel better about it now. The first 2 or 3 weeks will be training with the sponsor and doing things in the caves! I was sure we wouldn’t actually be getting to play in the caves but I was wrong, thank GOD! So after that, we will be working in a fish hatchery for the first month. Not sure what we will be doing there but it should be interesting! I get to smell like fish food for a month! Wooooo! Haha. After that, the youth corps that this project is focused on will be coming to the area for, what I assume is, a seasonal trail-building crew. We will be staying in bunk houses for most of this project but when this happens we will be hiking pretty far some days to get to the trails we are working on so we will have to camp out sometimes. I don’t mind as long as I’m not doing it for 2 months straight! Lol. So we will finish off the project working with the kids on building trails and stream restoration. Should be a fun deal. A lot of hard work but fun.

Tiffany is coming to Denver for a week starting tomorrow for some school training thing. I am so proud of her! It would really do me some good to see someone from home. I just got back from Spring Break but I feel like it has been forever. I’ve just been in a draining and lonely place, I think. the only thing keeping me sane is being excited about Thailand and the big move to Oregon. They’re coming sooner than I thought. Tomorrow I’ll be standing up on that graduation stage. That’s what it feels like. Anyways, I could use some hours right about now so I’m going to get some work done. Hope you all enjoy the pictures of some of the kiddies at the zoo!

New Mexico, Thailand

So I finally got some pictures of the kids! This is me teaching them about Australia. By the way, the last picture is not me getting attacked by one of the 1st graders. I was telling them about kangaroos and pouches and she was pointing out my pocket as an example. Lol. Anyways, so this week has been really interesting. A couple of days ago we had a BBQ and I cooked some chicken legs that weren’t cooked all the way through. Luckily, I was the only one who ate them and I got really sick. Hence why I am writing a new blog and not at work right now. I am feeling better but didn’t want to risk pushing myself too hard. On the bright side, having food poisoning really makes it easy to stick to a diet because you don’t want to eat anything! Haha. Today will be day 7 of my super lifestyle cleanse. That makes it one week down and 3 to go!! I was really expecting it to be harder. I haven’t had a cigarette, beer, or carb in a week and I feel great. Surprisingly, I think I have more energy now than before.

I found out my next project will be in New Mexico.  It’s an environmental project. I will be back with my original team. Woot! I really missed some of them. We will be trail building, making a bridge, doing some stuff in caves ( I have no idea what but alright!), and working with kids. It should be fun. A lot of work but a lot of fun. I can’t believe this will be my last project. I was having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for a while but I feel better knowing I’m now PAST halfway.

I have applied for a couple of community colleges. I swear I can’t make up my mind AT ALL. I guess I will just have to wait until it’s time to register for classes and then I’ll be committed. I would really like to have everything figured out before July. A friend and I are going to Phuket, Thailand for about 2 weeks when I am graduated from here. I SO can’t wait! Plus, by that time I will look like a bikini super model. Haha. Alright, well, I am starving! Going to go make a spinach salad! Yum! Have a great Monday everyone! XOXO

Not all who wander are lost

I apologize if it has been a while since I made a post on here. It’s been yet another emotional roller coaster. I just came back to Denver after being home on spring break. My birthday party was fun and it was really good to see all my friends. I just wish I could have spent time with them more than one drunken night. Easter Sunday I was sleeping on the bathroom floor during an earthquake. That was fun. I thought I was just spinning still from the night before. Anyways, I had just crazy mixed emotions while I was home. It happened over winter break as well. Being home made me insanely depressed. The anxiety was overbearing. I can’t stand it because I know no matter what I have to go back even for just a day. A day is all it takes too. So I spend my time, day and night, trying to plan an escape. But to where? And why do I need to escape so bad? Orange County is a place people would die to live in. I know that I am terrified of slipping back into my old lifestyle. A HUGE part of me, I think, does not believe that I have changed. I am a new person, or am I? I made a new goal list, a new diet plan, and a new budget to hopefully keep me in the right direction no matter how much of an emotional wreck I can be at times. I also made travel maps and posted them on my wall in my room. They have all the places I have been and all the places I want to go on them. The savings account begins…… Haha! Ok, well, I thought I would attempt to brain vomit in hopes it would purge some of this confusion but alas, no luck. I’ll try again in a few days maybe. P.s. Happy 22nd Birthday to me. Lol.